Can't see straightCan't see straight

In a cage because I can't see straight
The lines in front of me are so hard to draw
The red and the water that bleeds
All over the White House lawn
Where falling leaves
Reveal the doorway to Dawn.

A second coming
Or just a device
You are the captain
You wield and roll the dice.

The devil's plaything
A construction of the mind
No category that exists
Whether that's gay or by
Ludacris denial
I am clearly gay
That's right kids
You always wanted to hear me say
That those words
And they're the bittersweet Truth
After all these years
All these women I've oved
All these intimacy fears
Still despite my masturbatory habits
I can only imagine
His body under me
And feel this repulsion and anger you see
For all I want is her arms and her face and her voice and her lips
To seal upon me their kiss
And take me away to a lover's Bliss
To where this cannot be denied
This living lust inside
I regret every word
To sound the absurd
But this is my pain
For so many years, in vain:

To be devoid of her melody, wherever she is
To be free of his voice
These relentless patterns
My choice

Does she exist?
Or am I cursed to be
Just my twin and me
This lie and uncertainty
Holding the years in desperate denial
The cross-purposes
Of a chain of sanctity
And the love I await
But I can't see straight.

But I still can't see straight.