Your Story

We have all probably shared our story and how we found our way to Mikal's teachings on the original forum but in case there may be new seekers lurking out there, why not share it again if you are so inclined. I'll start it off:

I have been searching for answers since I was a little kid and have always seen the people around me as fairly unstable and most of them just nuts. I searched and read and dabbled in all the usual stuff - Buddhism, Wicca etc. I then came across the teachings of Gurdjieff in Colin Wilson's book The Outsider. Gurdjieff said that man was basically a machine who contained many selves and the selves were mostly at war with each other.There was no integration. He also said that man was not necessarily born with a soul intact but had to work his whole life to make contact and build a strong connection with that soul. This is something I have NEVER come across anywhere before.

After reading The Outsider I found a mystery school that was based on the teachings of Gurdjieff and after an interview with the teacher he asked me to come along and see how I felt about it. My experience at the school was some of the best and worst of my life. I made some great friends who were seekers like myself. The teacher did manipulate us at times so we could ‘see” ourselves more clearly. Those were the worst times but there was a lot of magic there as well and the energy at the school was phenomenal.. Eventually I knew I had to move on though it took me a couple of years to get the courage to leave.

I found Mikal’s website when I stumbled upon a post on Rasa’s blog about healing with darkness. I had not "met" Rasa before. I was so over the love and light brigade and looking to see what the darkness offered. Not as in demons or Satan etc, just another aspect of our whole selves.  Rasa had a link on her blog to M’s website.

When I found M’s website I could not stop reading and once I went onto the forum I read every post as well and then I read his books and then I pondered for days and weeks about what this means. I have never entertained the idea of immortality and it now changed my entire view on everything. I was not really attracted to the vampire paradigm but could appreciate it for what it offered - minus the blood sucking. Mikal’s words just rang true like a strong powerful bell in a despairing wasteland. I just knew. I have never looked back nor have I bothered looking elsewhere.

I honestly can't pinpoint an exact time when I started my journey that brought me here. If I had to go to the very beginning it would probably be when I found the children's book The Prisoner of the Vampires in my local library and was immediately hooked on the vampire paradigm. I think that was my first introduction to the concepts of vampirism and immortality. I've always had a dark side though. I can remember even before finding that book (around fourth grade so I was 9-ish) being attracted to more "spooky" stories. I'd have my parents read books like The Bernstein Bears and the Spooky Old Tree and Mickey Mouse and the Spooky Old House and Gus the Friendly Ghost to me over and over, just fascinated by things that go bump in the night from a very early age.

Fast forward from the vampire book and I started reading all I could on vampires. As a pre-teen I became fascinated with Tarot and from there wicca and paganism. For years I studied that and, like Snow Wolf, Buddhism and comparative religions. Through my college years and after college through my 20s I identified as wiccan/pagan. I met some like-minded wiccan practitioners in my late 20s/early 30s and we started getting together for pagan holidays and outings with a pagan theme. They introduced me to their local coven. But by then something about the whole pagan thing felt "off" to me, like is was as disingenuous as any other religion. All the while I was still fascinated by vampires and immortality and the power that comes with living forever.

Eventually I broke off with my pagan friends, not over any sort of spiritual dispute but over something personal. I think it was around that time I started seeking for true immortality. I was fast approaching my 30s. Maybe I had some kind of internal early midlife crisis or something, who knows? Anyway, I did some exhaustive searches online for "real vampires" "true immortality", etc. I tried some obviously bogus stuff like the whole"vampire in a ring" thing from ebay (yes I was one of those fools--the ring was pretty and I still have it but obviously it did jack shit for me lol).

One day in one of my searches I just sort of bumped into Mikal's website and the rest is history: bought the first book, joined the forum, learned the difference between the vampire of legends and literature and real immortal beings. Like Snow Wolf said, the Teachings just sort of resonated/clicked for me and I've been attached to them ever since. They've rather colored my outlook on the world but I feel like the Teachings simply reflect what I knew all along to be true.

BTW, if anyone is looking for it, my blog no longer exists. I created it at a time when I was jobless, hoping to monetize it. I could never get Wordpress (demon program!!) to work right for me and was spending way too many hours writing for it and finding free images to put in it and battling trolls who decided to shit all over my work to make it worth my while. Didn't earn me a cent!

Rasa

I don't know why but in my last years of college I started getting pulled towards the unknown. So naturally I found about lucid dreaming and astral projection but I was never satisfied with just that because I was always aware of my mortality. Unconsciously I knew I would find what I was looking for if I just kept looking and searching. My searches turned towards vampires because even though I didn't exactly believe in the Hollywood version of them, they were the link towards immortality. So after a lot of websites/blogs of "real" vampires (one of them was actually very believable, http://www.vampirewebsite.net/), the Google search "real vampires immortality" finally sealed the deal. As soon as I found it I knew it was the real thing, it was like a breathe of fresh hair. I read the whole website that night and went straight to the forum and I read every single post in the following weeks. I don't think I have absorbed so much information in so little time like in those weeks, I just wanted to know everything about the path.

I realize now that when I started actively going towards the unknown, that was the moment that I was already in the path towards immortality even if unconsciously. And when I typed "real vampires" "real immortality" is when I was finally conscious of what I was after.