Psychic/magickal ineptitude, and rejection of cosmic oneness

Hello. Does anybody else here have issues with psychic ability? In the past few years I've done a variety of different experiments, be it trying to sort of divine the correct card from a set of 10 cards, or various online tests like gotpsi/psiarcade, or trying to get in a zone/on a frequency guided by intuition and nudge a quantum random number generator into picking 1 more often than 0 (over 50,000 numbers). Pretty much with any of these things I try, I actually manage to do even worse than chance.

That is rather disheartening, but something that sits in my mind is, is psychic ability like that necessary for somebody on this path in the first place? What does being able to nudge a Quantum RNG or being able to pick the right card really prove or serve on the path to immortality, but on the other hand sometimes it has me worried. I'm curious where other people here are with psychic ability. Am I the oddball?

One thing worth pointing out is that I don't really practice psychic stuff. And expecting to be able to do most things without practicing is rather silly. I just test myself on occasion and disappoint myself. There was one time a few years ago where I was having interesting results with an ESP experiment at home.

In multiple books on magick I have, a common thread is that you have to understand that you are one with the universal consciousness and everything and everybody in the universe is one. However, I fundamentally and categorically reject that. And I'm not trying to take that away from anybody else. If that's what does it for them, enjoy, but to me, being absorbed into a cosmic consciousness soup is worse than death because your identity, agency, and boundaries are stripped away and everybody has full access to your deepest thoughts and inner world, as is a somewhat common thing to see reported in near death experiences, where somebody says they became one with the universe and felt everybody's emotions and knew everybody's thoughts, etc.

The thought of that makes me sick, to infringe on people's privacy like that. I don't want to do that to others and I most certainly will not have that done to me. I remember reading a part in The Immortal's Handbook about working on disconnecting energy threads that tangle you to others. I'm sure that safeguards against such a thing and I should read that again and absorb it and practice it.

On sheer principle I feel no oneness or sense of belonging in this universe, and I have no desire to. I had a (seemingly) completely random spiritual awakening from full-blown physicalism like 10 years ago, and instead of feeling "one with the universe" or one with all people which is a very common feeling in a spiritual awakening, I felt like an alien in this universe and like I truly did not belong here and my home was in a completely different realm. It was beautiful and transformative (now i'm here, after all). Now I understand why and it definitely seems retrocausal in nature.

This universe is corrupted by evil, and has a lifespan of its own. This universe one day will die itself. I must transcend the universe rather than feel one with it. Maybe that's what the problem is. My abilities don't work in this universe because I truly don't belong in this universe. I'm not a part of it and I'm not one with it in the slightest. Maybe that's a lame excuse but it sounds plausible to me. Or am I the oddball here... Does anybody else reject universal oneness yet still have psychic/magickal abilities in this universe?

I have had success with the few things I tried, such as telekinesis, some remote viewing and OBE's (if you consider obe's psychic). The latter two could be helpful to the path, however telekinesis I found that, apart from showing me that we are indeed very powerful, just wastes time and is completely useless for transmogrification.

The interesting thing about psychic stuff is that your beliefs are irrelevant as long as you believe that you can do it and are a powerful being. I never cared much for being one with the universe either, however I see myself as an extension of it which means I have the same power the universe has. I've seen some Christians online that instead of fearing God and its power they embrace it and take it literally when Jesus allegedly said "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father". To them their power comes from Jesus but it doesn't matter if the belief is wrong or not because they do believe that they have power. (https://youtu.be/1o_YuLoB-oI , https://youtu.be/DiOHBjkth-c , https://youtu.be/yp5mC6M_k8g , these 3 videos from the same guy, a Christian. I bet that deeply he knows the power comes from himself and noone else though).

For me, the only interest I have in psychic abilities is to be able to really "see" and discern what is going on, to access gnosis and my own guidance, the rest I don't  have much interest in. They can make good party tricks though  

As far as one with the universe goes, for me the experiences I have had have been more like a full blown expandedness. Connecting with something primal and powerful, the fabric of life. I guess "love" is one way of understanding it.  In those moments I feel ginormous, like I stretch out almost to infinity. It reminds me of Mikal's poem:

"I am in love with myself all over again, with the knowledge that I am eternal and immortal and a vampyre whose wings are as vast as the universe and every bit as powerful"

I have touched on that feeling a few times in my meditation. Is that being one with the universe? Possibly that is what is meant by the term, for some people anyway, but I am maintaining my individuation on this path to Immortality no matter what.

I don't know about everyone having access to everyone's thoughts etc, that does not appeal to me at all, but when you are in a high vibration state often you just "see" things about another person. I have experienced that and often have clearly been aware when someone is lying to me. Gifted psychics who can see another's energy body can often read them and determine what is going on for them.  Maybe not their deepest darkest secrets  but their general energy and intent. I assume as an Immortal you can see and read other beings to some degree.

Uthred wrote:I have had success with the few things I tried, such as telekinesis, some remote viewing and OBE's (if you consider obe's psychic). The latter two could be helpful to the path, however telekinesis I found that, apart from showing me that we are indeed very powerful, just wastes time and is completely useless for transmogrification.

The interesting thing about psychic stuff is that your beliefs are irrelevant as long as you believe that you can do it and are a powerful being. I never cared much for being one with the universe either, however I see myself as an extension of it which means I have the same power the universe has. I've seen some Christians online that instead of fearing God and its power they embrace it and take it literally when Jesus allegedly said "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father". To them their power comes from Jesus but it doesn't matter if the belief is wrong or not because they do believe that they have power. (https://youtu.be/1o_YuLoB-oI , https://youtu.be/DiOHBjkth-c , https://youtu.be/yp5mC6M_k8g , these 3 videos from the same guy, a Christian. I bet that deeply he knows the power comes from himself and noone else though).

Thanks for your input and those videos as well. I remember that bible passage, and I like your point about belief in your own power being the foundation. It goes with a lot of other things I've been reading about lately, and pondering such as the underlying, overarching thing that powers magic even in completely clashing belief systems. The foundational unbending belief in yourself completely makes sense.

Snow Wolf wrote:For me, the only interest I have in psychic abilities is to be able to really "see" and discern what is going on, to access gnosis and my own guidance, the rest I don't  have much interest in. They can make good party tricks though  

As far as one with the universe goes, for me the experiences I have had have been more like a full blown expandedness. Connecting with something primal and powerful, the fabric of life. I guess "love" is one way of understanding it.  In those moments I feel ginormous, like I stretch out almost to infinity. It reminds me of Mikal's poem:

"I am in love with myself all over again, with the knowledge that I am eternal and immortal and a vampyre whose wings are as vast as the universe and every bit as powerful"

I have touched on that feeling a few times in my meditation. Is that being one with the universe? Possibly that is what is meant by the term, for some people anyway, but I am maintaining my individuation on this path to Immortality no matter what.

I don't know about everyone having access to everyone's thoughts etc, that does not appeal to me at all, but when you are in a high vibration state often you just "see" things about another person. I have experienced that and often have clearly been aware when someone is lying to me. Gifted psychics who can see another's energy body can often read them and determine what is going on for them.  Maybe not their deepest darkest secrets  but their general energy and intent. I assume as an Immortal you can see and read other beings to some degree.

Gnosis is the ultimate practical importance, that's what I'm after, too. Thanks for your perspective on oneness as well, it's something for me to contemplate now. Regarding the psychic stuff, I definitely feel like I've been read a lot, and I have no aptitude for reading others. Sometimes I feel like people can read me like a book, which I don't like, and I guess I'm touchy about it. But that's multiple aspects of my own evolution that I need to focus on.

Sorry if it's not really appropriate to bump this thread just for this, but a couple of days after my last post in this thread, I believed in and trusted myself, and tried something with my own sort of magic which i prefer to an outside system of magic, simply because i feel like if I really am powerful enough to be immortal, I should be able to create my own magic.

Anyway, I had a synchronicity the very next day, indicating it actually worked. After doing my magic and laser focusing my intense intention, I let it go and put it out of my mind until I got the synchronicity the next day. And it was significant, the chances of it happening by coincidence were very small, and the fact that it happened the very next day makes it weirder. Maybe by genuinely not worrying about it this time, I actually did believe in my own power and it came through for me.

I didn't say anything until now because I figured maybe I should just get another vampyre diary like on the old forum for stuff like that, but it's just a one-off thing i wanted to mention and it's relevant to this thread.

That's awesome, it seems to me that synchronicities are a way to know if we're moving in the right direction. I get the most synchronicities when I'm in tune with my other and the immortal state.